Monday, June 20, 2005

Aliens Stole My Kid

Well at least they did in my dream the other night. Two nights before that I dreamed the mob wanted to stuff her in a suitcase.

Maternal paranoia?
Too much chocolate late at night?

Actually it's preschool. Yes, little Miss Citlalli is going to start preschool. The stress dreams belie my true feelings : no one can take care of her like her mama!

Everyone tells me that preschool is harder on the adults than it is for the kid, but what do THEY know? I mean c'mon.. who is everyone anyhow?

It's been coming and now it's going to happen. The situation with the babysitter coming into the house has been great, but a few things started happening that weren't good. First I found the babysitter yakking on the cell phone when she was supposed to be 110% focused on my child, so that ticked me off. Then I realized that Citlalli needed to be around more kids. Our playdates are great, but since she has no siblings her age, she really needs something more.

I went to several preschools, daycares, daycare/school combos but had a hard time picturing Citlalli there, thriving.

My ideal place accommodates my schedule, won't try to squeeze my utterly creative Indigo child into a box, and has a good balance of diversity. With a name like Citlalli, I don't want her to be somewhere where they think that's a weird name or that she's some "other".

I finally found a place that I feel comfortable putting her, a school that has lots of animals, a garden for the kids to work in, a science center, loving teachers, etc. But still that piece of me inside feels like they won't be perfect for her like I am . (don't you just love my super huge earth mama ego? talk about control issues!!)

We start in July. She's going to love it. Keep saying that. Maybe I need to work on affirmations for me: I'm going to love it!

I'm preparing for any and all situations, though. I'm altering my schedule so my work hours are shorter in July. I'll be at the ready for whatever.

I think I'm overplanning. Over worrying. Just got to get through the feelings we'll be OK.

This too shall pass... but it's hell in the hallways.

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