Sunday, July 16, 2006

Taking off my God suit

Something about this photo of Diana Rigg stirs another dimension of my Inner Loca. The ass kicker, the invincible one. I think it's the catsuit. And it reminds me of something that happened the other morning.

I was sitting with my friend Maria and shared with her all of these things I had going on. Applying for a big award, preparing pitches, should we move out of our house, start Citlalli in kindergarten next year or wait, etc. Concerned about missing a great opportunity I told her this big plan I had to tell them this so they would think that and then they'd give me what I want...
can you hear the insanity?

She stared me straight in the eye.
"Nancy," she said, "take off your God Suit."

A God Suit is not to be confused with a birthday suit. It is that delusional mindset we don when we start thinking that we are in control.

"You don't know what is going to happen and face it- you have no control over the outcome. So far your higher power has done some pretty amazing things in your life, wouldn't you agree?"

I nodded. She was right. There I was, stickin' my nariz where it didn't belong. I thought that I knew the ideal outcome of a situation. As this old vato back in SF used to say, "you don't know nothin' bout noBody". Dang, he was right. And deep!

I have no beef with manifesting good in your life, but what I've learned is this. When things are hard, then I'm trying to force my will. When things come easy, that's my higher power's will working in my life.

I felt a great sense of relief when I let go of my need to know the outcome. Maybe I'll get the award, maybe I won't. It's not in my control... I submitted the best application I could. In fact by waiting, I got new information that may help my chances.

As for the pitch, the house, the kid... not every decision needs to be made now. Tomorrow a new person or piece of information may pop up and provide the missing piece that I need.

So off with the God Suit, back into abundance thinking and gratitude. It feels better already.

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